I wish my penis had an off switch
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
