THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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