i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm both gender and math confused
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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