The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
