So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
