dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
