Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
