i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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