Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
