I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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