I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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