they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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