glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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