I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
