I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
