We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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