sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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