Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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