Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
