fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
