I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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