i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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