Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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