She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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