When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
