I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
