is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
