If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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