She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
