***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
