Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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