he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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