I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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