the condom got lost in my hair
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
