I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
