my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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