Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't put those talents on a resume
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
