so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
