3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
