I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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