I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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