chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
