I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
someone threw a dead crab at me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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