i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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