How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
