do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
