I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Damn victory sex feels great
True college students do jello shots in the library
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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