Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
