Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
