im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
