i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The air was thick with penises
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
