i just wanna soil my oats bro
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
