we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
