i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The cops high fived after they tackled you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
