I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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