true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
