so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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