My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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