just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
