those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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