mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I supernannyed him into submission
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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