how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You need Xanax blowdarts
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
