so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
