k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
