You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
