the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
