i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
