you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
