420 ftw
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
