Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The ass gains better be worth it
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