Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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