I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
