You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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