Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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