I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
