When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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