I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
