dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
