at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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