she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
